


Equius and Sollux Build a Very Useful Machine (or, Two Matesprits Set Their Loser Moirails Up on a Playdate)

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Equius is gross about Aradia, Equius is gross about a lot of things, Equius is gross about robots, Equius is gross about the hemospectrum, F/F, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yes, of course. Sorry. Let me just--" With a loud, tearing rip, Equius accidentally destroyed the tarp covering up their machine. It was the size of about three refrigerators and was an astounding disarray of tubes, joints, antennae, and ports.</p><p>"Holy hell. When did it get tho big?"</p><p>"Well, with the proposed modifications comes the need for more... area, I suppose."</p><p>"Well, it functionth, right?"</p><p>"The code needs a bit of beefing up, but even now it runs adequately."</p><p>A third voice suddenly chimed in. "What does it do?"</p><p>Sollux and Equius both looked at Nepeta, then the machine, then each other.</p><p>"Um."</p><p>"Hrmm."</p><p>"Obviouthly, what it doeth..."</p><p>"Clearly, the purpose of it is..."</p><p>Nepeta gasped. "Neither of you can even remempurr, can you?"</p><p>"You can't expect an unscientific mind like yours to possibly fathom the purpose!"</p><p>"Oh my god, go paint on thome cave wallth and hunt a cholerbear."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equius and Sollux Build a Very Useful Machine (or, Two Matesprits Set Their Loser Moirails Up on a Playdate)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lildogie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lildogie/gifts).



AA: go to sleep

Sollux Captor checked the chat window and rolled his eyes. How the hell did she even know? His status was set to away and he wasn't responding to any chats. Basically, anyone should just assume he was asleep.

AA: for real  
AA: go to sleep  
AA: do you know what time it is?

Every alert ding made Sollux grit his teeth. He was ending this now.

TA: ye2, do you?  
TA: you go to 2leep.  
TA: iit'2 ju2t a2 late for you a2 iit ii2 for me.  
AA: i am actually in my recuperacoon thank you very much :)  
AA: but i am being lusus to a stubborn grub who refuses to take care of himself  
TA: and ii'm the grub?  
AA: you are the grub sollux  
AA: go to sleep

Sollux grumbled. It was getting light out. He figured. His shades and curtains were all closed, but it was probably light out.

TA: fiine. ii'm goiing.  
AA: and eat something when you get up  
AA: and not instant noodles in east alternian spicy grub sauce  
AA: i put fruit in your fruit bowl :)  
TA: ii have a fruiit bowl?  
AA: you are hopeless  
TA: ii know. thank2 for the fruiit.

Fucking moirails. Caring and shit. And her being his ex-matesprit just made it all even worse. She brought him fruit. Sollux shut down his husktop and did his morning ritual, almost forgetting to take his pills. It was a surprise that Aradia didn't remind him. Though he'd remembered for more than ten days.

He rubbed his eyes and let out a yawn as he eased down into the slime. God, it felt good. It felt really good. He avoided sleep every morning and only ever thought about how much he hated it but as soon as he got in his recuperacoon, it was heaven.

He was just drifting off when that... fucking ding. He shook sopor slime off his hand and wiped it clean on a dirty t-shirt and snatched up his tablet.

TA: oh my god. ii'm iin my coon. ii 2wear.  
TA: wa2 on my way two dreamland and here you are fu22iing over me.  
TA: ii'm 2o determiined two 2leep that ii'm even 2kiippiing jerkiin iit.  
CT: D --> That is disgusting, and not something that I even remotely wish to know  
CT: D --> A simple 'talk to you later' would have sufficed  
CT: D --> Rather than this low class display of udder 100dness

Fuck. That was not, as it turned out, Aradia.

TA: fuck, hold on.  
CT: D --> Language

Sollux scrolled up to see what this tremendous blue asshole actually wanted.

CT: D --> Come here at once  
CT: D --> There is a concern with our project and it must be addressed in person

Scrolling back to the present, Sollux answered.

TA: okay, 2o ii'm back.  
TA: ii thought you were AA me22agiing me.  
CT: D --> You talk that disgustingly to Aradia  
TA: okay for real though, 2hut up.  
TA: fiir2t of all, what ii2 the problem?  
TA: and a premature follow-up.  
TA: ii obviiou2ly am not comiing over riight now becau2e ii, contrary to popular beliief, enjoy haviing functiioniing eye2 and 2kiin that ha2 not melted off my fuckiing 2keleton.  
CT: D --> It is too big  
TA: what? my 2keleton? what the hell? ii2 that 2ome kiind of me22ed up hiighblood iin2ult?  
CT: D --> The machine, you f001

Sollux blinked, processing the information.

CT: D --> It is too large to mail, or even get through the door  
TA: fuck.  
CT: D --> Your language  
TA: uuuugh. get 2ome 2leep. ii'll come over thii2 eveniing and try and work through thii2 colo22al fudge-up.

Before Equius could respond, he turned off the tablet, sinking down to his chin.

Hours later, Sollux awoke, groping for the edge of his recuperacoon and dragging himself out, stumbling on the floor, his slimy feet sliding on a discarded pair of boxer shorts. This was why he hated sleeping. The waking up.

He put his glasses on and stumbled to go shower. After brushing his teeth and doing other unsavory things, he paused, trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Going to look at this clusterfuck he and Equius were collaborating on. But before that...

Sollux made his way to the kitchen and peeled himself a citrus ball from his fruit bowl that he apparently owned.

Meanwhile, Equius was fretting. Well, he was being fretted at, which made him fret.

"You need to pick up these towels, Equius! It stinks in here." Nepeta was racing around the room with a grimace. Well, the grimace was assumed because her shirt collar was yanked up over her nose. She picked up half a cracked glass of what she assumed was formerly milk. "Gross. See thiss? Gross!"

"Yes." Equius, on the other hand, was definitely grimacing as he shuffled around the room, picking up after himself.

"This is your workroom. Why does it look like you sleep in here?" Nepeta prodded a tanktop with her foot.

"I don't know, Nepeta." He knew. Mostly, it was that he slept in the room a lot. "Why does it matter? I'm sure Sollux isn't tidy."

"Sollux is far from tidy, but Sollux's mess is meowstly... odorless." Mostly.

Equius sighed. "I get it." He winced as he readied his next question. "You are... not going to be here today, right?"

Nepeta smirked. Maybe she was being a bit much, but her moirail was just... ugh, he was so gross sometimes. "Right. I'm going out with Aradia."

"I am glad you two have become friends." Equius gave a crooked smile. Thinking about Aradia was... rough. Especially since Nepeta made him decommission his Aradiabots...

"Haaa... yes. Great furriends." Things were getting red between them. As much as she wanted to discuss it with her moirail, he got so weird about Aradia.

"Good. Good." Equius hefted a pile of ripe laundry into a hamper and scooted it into a closet as Nepeta began to spray a fog of air freshener into the room.

It was around then that there was the chime of the doorbell. "I'll get it! You do something about all these robot pieces." Nepeta scampered to go answer it while Equius did nothing about the robot parts. Maybe they would need them.

"Oh my god. It thmellth like thpringtime in a jockthtrap in here!" Sollux coughed, pulling his shirt over his face. "I can't believe I'm about to thay thith but can we maybe crack open a window? Get thome freth air in here that doethn't thmell like taint?"

Equius looked nervously at the window, but luckily Nepeta rushed over to open them before he ended up smashing any more panes as he clumsily fumbled with the tiny little latches.

"Okay." Sollux emerged from his shirt barrier as air began to circulate. "What'th the thituation?"

Equius scowled as the trunkbeast in the room was addressed. "Yes, hello to you too. I'm well. Thank you for asking. You are so well-mannered for someone of your horribly low standing."

"Equihiss." Nepeta glared, and if she had actual cat ears, they would be down flat.

"Yes, of course. Sorry. Let me just--" With a loud, tearing rip, Equius accidentally destroyed the tarp covering up their machine. It was the size of about three refrigerators and was an astounding disarray of tubes, joints, antennae, and ports.

"Holy hell. When did it get tho big?"

"Well, with the proposed modifications comes the need for more... area, I suppose."

"Well, it functionth, right?"

"The code needs a bit of beefing up, but even now it runs adequately."

A third voice suddenly chimed in. "What does it do?"

Sollux and Equius both looked at Nepeta, then the machine, then each other.

"Um."

"Hrmm."

"Obviouthly, what it doeth..."

"Clearly, the purpose of it is..."

Nepeta gasped. "Neither of you can even remempurr, can you?"

"You can't expect an unscientific mind like yours to possibly fathom the purpose!"

"Oh my god, go paint on thome cave wallth and hunt a cholerbear."

She laughed, not even trying to hide it. "Oh my god! You have no idea!"

"Cease this at once, please!"

"Eat my athh, Nepeta!"

Before things went further downhill, the doorbell chimed once more. Nepeta perked up and ran for the door.

"Okay." Sollux pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tho. Holy shit it'th tho big. Why ith it tho big?"

"Because. We added the gyroscopic stabilizer. Extra thick shell. The cooling system."

Sollux slowly circled it. "Right. The cathing for the AI and the hi-definition monitor. And making it waterproof. Oh, right. I forgot the track lighting. When did we add thith?"

Equius furrowed his brow. "I have the blueprints." He strode over to a dented filing cabinet and tugged at the top drawer, the sliding mechanism off track. Grunting, he tore the entire thing out and dropped it in the workroom floor. Scooping up a stack of papers, he walked back over.

"And they don't even know what it does!" The sound of Nepeta and Aradia's laughter rang out as they entered the room. "I'm just grabbing my coat and then we'll be out of your hair."

"Hey, AA." Sollux gave a nod.

"Hey, there!" Big smiles. "Did you like breakfast? Did you know you had a fruit bowl?"

"It wath good, I--"

"Hello, Aradia." Equius was standing straight, awkwardly, his chest puffed out... the best it could with his breathing so heavy. "How are you?"

"Oh, um, I'm fine, Equius." That big smile turned a bit more polite. "Oh, Nepeta! Ready to go?"

Nepeta gave a nod and went to speak, quickly cut off by Equius. "Where are you going?"

Despite Nepeta shaking her head, wide-eyed and making an X with her hands, Aradia answered. "Spelunking! We're going to explore the cave Vriska's lusus lived in. I found a nice opening in the rockslide. Who knows what's in there!"

Equius stammered, brows high in alarm. "That is much too dangerous! I forbid--"

Nepeta sprang forward, grabbing Aradia by the elbow and leading her toward the door. "Okay, bye, be back later, have fun you two, we'll be back later!" And they were gone.

After alarm moment of silence... "Well, that wath thtupid."

"Yes."

"Holy fuck--"

"Language."

"They're totally fucking though, right? It'th tho obviouth."

"Wh-what? How dare you. They would never!"

"Are you blind? Okay, thcratch that, becauthe if TZ were here... bathically she would thmell it on them." Sollux laughed. "Oh man, I jutht realithed how groth that thounded."

"How are you not upset by this?" Equius crumpled the blueprints in his meaty fist. "You and Aradia were an... item."

"Why the hell would I be upthet? We were an item. We no longer are. I'm not a big athh-bag. NP clearly maketh her happy, tho good for her. I know you're grumpy thinthe you had to get rid of your creepy thekth robotth, you groth thweatthtain--fuck! Thpeaking of thweat, put thothe down! Fuck! You're ruining the ink!" Sollux grabbed the papers and yanked, the wet paper tearing like wet paper.

"Oh." Equius gawked before heading to grab a towel.

Sollux grumbled as Equius dried himself off, trying to piece together the smudged, torn puzzle. "Okay. Tho for real, what doeth thith thing do..."

"It... fiddlesticks. I have no idea."

Sollux sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay. Wait. When did we add a hidden propeller? Were we drunk? Okay... two more back and... wait, a pilot compartment. You're thuppothed to get inthide?"

Equius went to the middle section and popped open and large panel. Inside was a seat and control panel. "Why. When."

Sollux flipped back more. "Filtration. Tholar converthion. Back-up battery. How many hourth of juithe? Okay. Okay. I'm thkipping a bunch. It'th half the thithe. I'm... more confuthed."

"I think... we need to keep better hours. This is a product of exhaustion." Equius flips a switch. "Hrm. This part is now... vibrating. Should it be vibrating?"

Sollux flipped through the drafts, squinting. "Yeth. That'th one of your additionth. Pleathurable thtimulator. Wait, there are thpeakerth? You... you uthed your Aradiabot voithe fileth in thith, didn't you?"

Equius flipped another switch. "Hello, master. Please give your input." Equius looked panicked, trying to cover the speaker with both hands, sparks shooting from it as it shorted out from moisture.

"I hate you, tho much. You are dithguthting." Sollux bristled, psionics sparking. "And what ekthactly ith the input?"

"I do not know. But it is not that. You are being vile."

Sollux scowled. "I'm going to the firtht draft. Why didn't I do that to thtart? God." He dropped the rest of the papers in a damp pile and stared, slackjawed. "Are you... kidding me?"

"What? Did you find it?"

Sollux looked up at Equius with a facial expression that couldn't decide between annoyance, aggravation, or laugh-out-loud amusement. "A real time language tranthlator. Able to do text and thpeech."

"A translator. For translation."

Laughter won over, and Sollux wanted to rip his hair out. "Handheld! It'th thuppothed to be handheld! Ith there a tranthlator in thith goddamn mess?"

Equius's mouth twitched, and he laughed. "This is your fault. You and your being a hermit. If we were just in the same room."

"Ath if you want me here, yellowing up the air."

Equius was still laughing, before picking up up a large wrench and battering the machine. "We are starting over."

Sollux wiped his eyes and sighed. "Here, thtand back." Psionics enveloped the machine and lifted it up enough to spin it upside down and forcefully drop it.

"This thing is STRONG. Very sturdy."

The machine beeped, a muffled speaker sounding. "Alignment error. Please set me down properly."

"We did good work. Imprethive."

Equius tore open a panel and ripped out and cluster of wires. "Yes. But we are restarting."


End file.
